Today marks exactly one year since I packed everything I owned into my car and began the 16-hour drive to Gainesville, Georgia to start working at Adventures in Missions.
Just six weeks prior I was living happily and contently. I had a great job. I had just moved out of my parents’ house, bought a full bedroom set, and started what felt like my official “big girl” life post-college and World Race. But in six weeks the Lord flipped everything I had planned upside down to move me across the country into something completely unknown and entirely uncomfortable.
I honestly didn’t see it coming. And I couldn’t have predicted everything I have experienced in the past 365 days.
I’ve got to be honest, this was a tough year. It was full of newness (not a fan for an Enneagram 6), confusion, loneliness, frustration, questions, and doubt. But it was also full of new friends, fulfilled promises, growth, intimacy with Jesus, revealed purpose, and glimpses of Kingdom.
Exactly a year after moving, I can still confidently say that God has called me to Georgia for this season of my life. Sometimes I’m walking around the office and I pass two or three different friends and think to myself, “Dang, I really love my community here.” Something I would not have been able to say six months ago.
The beginning of my time here was lonely. I didn’t have many close friends. I spent most of my time home alone under the disguise of rest and introversion. What I was really doing was hiding. Refusing to establish roots. Avoiding vulnerability and potential rejection.
I didn’t want Gainesville to be home. I didn’t want to be here long enough to need community. I was struggling in my job and struggling to find purpose in why I was here.
But God. Man, that’s one of my absolute favorite phrases in the Bible.
But God.
He reminded me of my purpose – to disciple others as they grow in intimacy with Papa, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.
He gave me incredible people to call friends and family. People who love me and care for me so well, and who let me love and care for them back.
He gave me Georgia parents who whole-heartedly invited me into their space in every way.
He gave me the best co-workers I could ever ask for.
He gave me revelation of the things that bring me life (hygge!) and the things that drain my energy.
He gave me self-awareness of my emotions and how to handle them well.
But most of all, He gave me more of Himself. Just like He promised.
In those dark moments, those lonely evenings, those empty weekends, He gave me the deepest intimacy I’ve ever had with Him. It just keeps getting better the longer I walk with Jesus.
Because in those moments where hope was hard to find, I never doubted the love of my Father. I never doubted that He is good and trustworthy. I truly believe at the core of who I am that God is good no matter what I am feeling. I have learned that my feelings are valid, but they’re not always true. The character of God is truth, and it never changes.
God promised me Himself when I moved to Georgia. And He continually took me back to the promises He made in that time. He gently reminded me of my identity in Christ – completed loved, accepted, and called worthy of the life to which He’s called me.
It’s been a wild year. I often think about how amazing it is that I live 1,000 miles away from everything that I knew for the last 20ish years. Sometimes I wonder if I’m adult enough for this life. And sometimes I tear up on the way to the grocery store because I feel so proud of everything I’ve accomplished this past year. And I’m completely humbled knowing I couldn’t have done any of it apart from God.
I am damn proud of the woman He has created me to be, and I’m incredibly excited for who He’s shaping me into as well. I rest easy knowing that who I am today is enough. Jesus loves me for who I am today, not for who I will be in the future. At the same time, Papa is doing a new thing. He’s constantly molding me into an even more beautiful reflection of Jesus.
I couldn’t be more excited to continue this beautiful life I have the privilege to live. Thanks, Lord. I love you.
This is the song I listened to as I pulled out of Omaha at 5am on October 7, 2017.
I listen to it today, October 7, 2018, as I reflect on the goodness of the Lord over this last year. He is good. His promises are true. There is no fear in Christ. His perfect love is the empowering force of the life He’s called me to live.
“Fear Not” by Kristene DeMarco.
When life piles up and you’re feeling overcome
Stand still and believe
I won’t let you drown
When a cry is in your throat
Watching all the waves below
Lift your eyes to the sky
Trust that I won’t pass you by
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Let me show what I see
You can’t dream too big for me
So get up get on your way
We’ve got things to do today
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Remember all I told you
Remember all I said
When the questions start arising
Keep your eyes fixed straight ahead
Hold on tightly to the promise
Hold firmly to the truth
That I love you
Oh I love you
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Fear not
If I could say it any louder I would
Fear not
If I could shout it any louder I would
Fear not
If I could shout it any louder I would
